Monday, February 12, 2018

How Being Broken Saved Me 

Excerpt from How Being Broken Saved Me 

My godfather was a MOLESTER!

 That’s exactly what Blue was and what he did. He seduced us, all of us including our mothers who didn’t have permanent men in their lives. He seduced them by allowing us in his home and doing kind things like lighting fireplaces, cooking food and handing out money generously. He was a fat, laughing, generous, seducing child molester.
I recall an incident that is painted in my mind vividly in bright red colors. I must have been seven. It was the last year of his life and he was pretty much confined to the bed. He had diabetes, high blood pressure and a passel of other maladies, including a love of alcohol, and was pretty much bedridden. Ms. Eva, my godmother was working and I was outside in the backyard feeding the rabbits and the chickens. I know it was a weekday but not sure what day. Anyway, after I was done, I walked inside through the back door and then through the kitchen which led into his room. He and Ms. Eva slept in different rooms, go figure.
Anyway, I stopped dead in my tracks, a girl from the neighborhood who was probably ten to my seven was on the bed with him and naked. She was literally sitting on him with his private part inserted inside her and she was bouncing up and down, having actual sex. I had never seen the sex act so I stood in the door, mesmerized and transfixed, unable to move, watching with bitter bile gathering in my mouth. He tried to shoo me away but I couldn’t  move. He had never gone beyond bouncing me on his clothed lap and placing his nasty tongue in my mouth but this was too much. After it was done, she climbed off the bed and grabbed her clothes and he handed her a ten-dollar bill and gave me two dollars. I know what her ten was for, mine was hush money, I suppose. She took my hand and led me through the kitchen to the back porch and the bathroom that was there. I watched her wash up and put on her clothes.
“Come on let’s go to Dairy Queen.” She said. 
Dairy Queen was a about a block away and since I had two dollars I was glad to go. I am not sure where my sister was but she wasn’t there.
“Don’t tell anyone what you saw. Okay, nobody.” She said to me.
“Why, was it wrong?” She looked at me and I can still see her old eyes.
“Some people think so but Blue has money and I don’t and I am getting some of it. It ain’t a big deal. My sisters did it with him too. A lot of girls do and he gives us money. His thing isn’t that big, so it don’t even hurt. Besides I do it with boys for free.”
The look on my face must have been one of pure disgust. I was known even then for making faces.
“He’s not doing that to me. He kissed me in my mouth but he ain’t doing that!”
“He won’t do it to you because you are a soft girl. Your mama and them will be mad at him. He don’t think kissing is nothing but sex is and he knows who to fuck.” 
My mouth flew open because she actually used the four-letter word and that was the first time I heard that word. I had heard my share of damns and hells but she went all the way. We got our ice cream, she went home, and I went back to Ms. Eva’s house. I was sipping on my pineapple milkshake and thinking of what my friend said. Ms. Eva was sitting on the porch with some of her friends.
“Girl where you get that milkshake from?”
“Blue bought it.” A funny look came over her face. “He gave me and XYZ money.” Oops.
“Go put it in the freezer. That is going to ruin your dinner.” 
I took a few more huge sips as I walked slowly to the kitchen to do as I was told. I never saw that milkshake again though I looked.